Atheism is the best kind of cool, and I can actually prove it

Thanks to The Friendly Atheist on social media, an article was brought to my attention that cracked me the fuck up. A guy named Matthew Archbold (let’s call him Matty), a “former journalist” (and apparently a self-qualified specialist on whats “Cool”), posted an article on the National Catholic Register called “Atheism is the Uncoolest Choice Ever, and I Can Prove It.”

…. and you like probably already suspect, he proved he’s just a muppet.

Seriously, did Matty think that after writing this, young atheists would just go, “Holy shit balls, well guess I better head over to church now and start believing in talking snakes and get on my knees and pray to an invisible-magic-man-in-the-sky, ‘cuz all I care about is being cool. Not about caring whether things are true or not. Nah, I just want to be cool.”

Give me a break Matty. I don’t know who Matty’s been talking to, if anybody at all, but I became an atheist simply because I discovered my faith and beliefs made zero sense and had no leg to stand on. When I realized I was an atheist, I seriously thought I was the only atheist in America. I never heard of George Carlin, or Penn and Teller, or Dawkins, or any of them — that should show how little I knew outside my faith. How could I be attracted to something “cool” if I didn’t know of anyone else doing it? It was shortly after I became an atheist, I later went online and discovered there was an atheist community in my area, I was very relieved. At numerous meetings, I met so many atheists whose de-conversion journey almost mirrored my own: they became atheists, not to be “cool,” but because whey genuinely cared whether their beliefs were true or not, and they were honest with themselves. And considering the harshness that many atheists face when they “come out,” why would any young kid become an atheist just to have their very religious family punish them, mistreat/shun them, or even disown them? What can possibly be cool about that?….unless maybe, just maybe, “coolness” was not a factor in their decision making about becoming an atheist.

Now Matty has 5 kids (it’s in his bio) but I don’t know how old the kids are, but I can only imagine the painful suggestions they get from their father on what is cool or not. I’ll wager that he tells his children that it’s “cool” to be born sinners that deserve eternal punishment, and that it’s “cool” to believe in things on faith and without evidence.


But speaking for myself — a young Millennial guy who hasn’t hit 30 — here’s what I can tell you that is without any doubt top-notch unadulterated COOL:

  1. Rock n’ Roll, esp. Metal  \m/ \m/
  2. Pizza
  3. and not being in a large cult. Especially one full of child raping old con men.

Oh, did I touch a nerve Catholic Register? I hope so. Because frankly, sticking to a massive cult with pedophilia priests is the least cool and the last thing kids should be anywhere near of.


And if the minsters and pastors are not rapists, all of them are lying when they claim to know things they do not know. It is dishonest to assert as fact something you do not know or cannot show to know… and yet that is exactly what all religions do! And if that wasn’t enough, plenty of pastors are hypocrites and often times just plain weird.

So let’s walk through why Matty thinks makes Christianity the shit…

I’ve read a number of stories about how atheism is seen as “cool” by many young people, especially among college age youths. That’s funny to me because I couldn’t think of anything less cool than becoming an atheist. So, just in case any young people are reading, here are eight reasons that atheism is the in-coolest choice ever.

A old guy trying to tell young kids what’s cool…. lame.

So Matty can’t think of anything less cool then becoming an atheist…. in other words, he cannot think of anything less cool then teens and grown adults not having “imaginary friend” that watches them everyday, even when they masturbate.

8) Religious people live longer, happier lives, according to numerous scientific studies.

NAME ONE. Matty doesn’t list a single “scientific study,” not even a link or reference.

Hey Matty, do you know what’s definitely not cool? Bullshitting kids and not backing up your claims, especially bullshitting kids to join a large cult.

Matty goes on to say that Atheists live shorter lives then theists…. ergo, theists must be happier. Seriously, that’s his whole argument, I’m not leaving anything out. Without providing any links to science articles or providing any statistics, Matty claims theists live longer (without saying if it’s by a few years or a decade), therefore that magically makes theists happier.

Matty… let me show you something cool…

Atheists have lower divorce rates

The Associated Press computed divorce statistics from data supplied by the U.S. Census Bureau and the National Center for Health:

Religion Divorce Rate

  • Jews 30%
  • Born-again Christians 27%
  • Other Christians 24%
  • Atheists, Agnostics 21%

Oh yeah, I’m sure those “uncool” atheists are miserable with their low divorce rates— oh wait, if they were miserable, why are they still married???

Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of happy married Christians. I’m not denying that. But what I’m not ignoring is pure raw data. Since we are talking about kids and what’s cool and not cool… I’m very certain STD’s are definitely not cool. And this is again where Matty’s crowd of “cool” sheep fall on their faces.

Thousands of Christian families and churches LOVE promoting abstinence only programs for kids. One study found that teen “virginity pledges” postpone intercourse for eighteen months on average—while, in the meantime, these virgin teens were more likely than their peers to engage in oral and anal sex. American teenagers engages in about as much sex as teenagers in the rest of the developed world, but American girls are four to five times more likely to become pregnant, to have a baby, or to get an abortion. Young Americans are also far more likely to be infected by HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. The rate of gonorrhea among American teens is seventy times higher than it is among their peers in France and in the Netherlands.

Not only are are they more likely to catch a STD, in high religious areas, the highest rates of teen pregnancy and repeat teen pregnancy are amongst…. wait for it….. Christian teens.


^Notice the high rates are all in the Bible Belt?

And what as you might expect, the group with the highest rates of abortion are the Christians, NOT the “uncool” atheist crowd.

Oh, and check out the United Nations’ Human Development Report

Year after year, the UN develops an index of the happiest nations around the world, and they determine this with countries with the best quality of life. And guess what, the most secular nations are also the healthiest, as indicated by measures of life expectancy, adult literacy, per capita income, educational attainment, gender equality, homicide rate and infant mortality. Conversely, the 50 nations now ranked lowest in terms of human development are unwaveringly religious. Other analyses paint the same picture: The United States is unique among wealthy democracies in its level of religious literalism and opposition to evolutionary theory; it is also uniquely beleaguered by high rates of homicide, abortion, teen pregnancy, STD infection and infant mortality.

The same comparison holds true within the United States itself: Southern and Midwestern states, characterized by the highest levels of religious superstition and hostility to evolutionary theory, are especially plagued by the above indicators of societal dysfunction, while the comparatively secular states of the Northeast conform to European norms. Countries with high levels of atheism also are the most charitable in terms of giving foreign aid to the developing world. The dubious link between Christian literalism and Christian values is also belied by other induces of charity. Consider the ratio in salaries between top-tier CEOs and their average employee: in Britain it is 24 to 1; France 15 to 1; Sweden 13 to 1; in the United States, where 83% of the population believes that Jesus literally rose from the dead, it is 475 to 1.

The data has spoken: secular nations, the least religious areas, are the most happy. And that’s cool man!



7) Michelangelo and Bach (look ’em up kids!) were indisputably awesome Christian artists. But hey, atheists have the kid who plays Harry Potter. Do you really don’t want to be a part of any group that includes the actor formerly known as Harry Potter. Or maybe you do because that’s how uncool you actually are.

I suppose you think that was cleverSeriously? You thought you could win over young kids with Renaissance artists?

Dude, kids are more impressed with art in video games.

And then ask yourself: which books have kids actually read? Kids have read all seven of the Harry Potter books, and yet have barely cracked open a Bible, let alone read it from Genesis to Revelations.

How can I say that with confidence? Maybe it’s because atheists have been shown to know more about religion and the Bible then believers do, and if that’s the case, that shows how very little Christians must know about their own book.

Go and randomly ask a kid to name any of the Harry Potter books, then ask them to name any of the books from the New Testament. See how quickly they answer and how many they can list. Then ask them to name two or more of Harry’s friends, then ask them to name two or more of the Apostles.

If you do that, I think you will see the “proof in the pudding.” The Christian Post published this article, “Harry potter Book Series More Influential Than the Bible, According to Facebook.

If that wasn’t enough, here are 16 reasons why the Harry Potter series are better then the Bible.




6) Typical Atheist gathering:


World Youth Day:

See the difference?

World Youth Day happens once every three years…

…. and how many of those kids are so hyped up to nail themselves to crosses?

Every year (not every three years) about 15 Filipino men literally crucify themselves on Good Friday. Yeah, with literal nails through flesh, nailing them to wood.

enhanced-buzz-10065-1397846452-15Hey kids, how cool does that cult sound?

(I know it’s a very small fringe group within a international cult, but it does demonstrate how irrational faith-based beliefs can make people do idiotic things they would never have done otherwise)

In the atheist community, we like to go see a movie, chill at the beach playing volleyball, eat together at a nice restaurant, go to game night, go to a museum or an observatory… basically, just have a good time.

5) Most of your big time mass killers of the 20th century were atheists. I’m talking Stalin, Mao, and Che among others. These guys had the kind of body counts that there weren’t enough body bags for so bulldozers needed to be employed. And nothing says uncool like being a mass killer of the innocent.


If nothing says uncool like being a “mass killer” then the Christian god is KING. Remember the story in Genesis where he wiped out 99.9% of the world’s population in one day?

God - King of Mass Murder

The other is SatanStalin and Mao were atheists, but were their crimes against humanity really the result of their atheism? There is no evidence for such an assumption, and it seems much more likely that the atrocities they committed followed from their totalitarian style of leadership, which demanded obedience to the state almost as fanatically as religions demand obedience to a god.

Linking atheism and communism is simply an attempted political smear, not a serious engagement with atheism. Part of this may be based on the historical linkage between Communism and Atheism. Most Communists are Atheists, but there are Christian Communists (go read Acts 2 through Acts 4, where Peter enforces communism in a community). But many people do not realize that most Atheists in North America are not Communists. In what way is atheism useful to communism? It isn’t. The point is that religion provides an alternative source of authority and moral teachings. A communist or any totalitarian regime wants all authority, morality and virtue to come from the party and the people following the party’s guidance. A church, any church, is a rival to the authority of the state.

Bottom line is this: Stalin, Mao and Che did not kill millions of people because of their atheism. Most of their victims died of starvation, but the primary agenda of Stalin and Mao was to preserve their power as dictators in the form of communism. It was all politically motivated, not philosophical. Always remember that atheism and communism are not synonymous. Don’t believe me, even Karl Marx disapproved of atheism: “Atheism as a denial of this unreality; has no longer any meaning, for atheism is a denial of God and tries to assert through this negation the existence of man; but socialism as such no longer needs this mediation…” Karl Marx, Economic and Philosophical Manuscripts in Karl Marx’s Early Texts, D. McLellan, Trans. & Ed., Oxford, Blackwell, 1971, pp. 156-157


4) This is an extreme Christian.

This is an extreme atheist:

See the difference?

Yeah, here’s the difference…

Richard Dawkins has written books on science and religion; has had several debates… and of course, has a body count of ZERO!

Mother Teresa on the other hand, is a crook and a fraud who let hundreds of people die suffering instead of healing them (you know, like a “saint” would) with the millions of dollars she collected from extremely shady people and all the resources at her disposal. Nope, instead of doing all of that and healing them, she opened and ran a House of Suffering where people went to rot away and die.

(Watch the later half of this presentation, and of course go Subscribe to the Thinking Atheist)

Bottom line, Richard Dawkins, for all his faults, is a better person then Teresa. I’ll side with him over her any day of the weak.


3) As a Christian, my wife looks at me like I’m a gift from God. Seriously, to her that’s what I am. Your atheist girlfriend (should you ever get one after you move out of your stepdad’s basement) will see you as a gel-haired accident in skinny jeans on a lonely rock orbiting a meaningless sun in a mistake of a universe. See the difference? It’s kind of a big one.

The difference is the massive Christian arrogance, ignorance and hubris and the atheist humbleness.

Here Matty displays that he subscribes to theism to give himself a ego-boost. In his head, the entire universe was created by an invisible sky wizard with Matty in mind. To Matty, he and humans are the sole reason the universe exists. Such arrogance and anthropomorphic hubris, the same kind that made man think his home, Earth, was the literal center of the universe. The atheist on the other hand understands that the universe was not created with them in mind, which makes life even more valuable, precious and desirable.

Hmmm… more precious and desirable…. maybe that’s why atheists have lower divorce rates then Christians. So what good is being a “Gift from God” when compared to couples that are, as the data shows, more happy with longer lasting marriages?


2) Many of your college professors agree with your atheist beliefs. How’s that for the uncoolest choice ever? Hey, look at you siding with all the gray-haired tweedy authoritarian types at your school. Note: If your best friend at college is the “Diversity Awareness Coordinator” you’re colleging wrong. And if you think your professors are cool, I think they call that being a brown-noser. And brown-nosers are even less cool than gender studies majors.

Y’know when the whole 60’s thing happened, young people would say not to trust anyone over 40. But now, you guys go off to college wanting nothing more than to adopt the beliefs of your old boring professors. What could be less cool than wanting to be like your teacher? (Except if your teacher is Tony Esolen. Then it’s ok.)

So listening to old educated professors is “uncool”….but listening to old uneducated cult leaders (possibly child rapists) unquestionably about scientifically disproven fables is cool?

…I guess religion does poison and reverse everything.

Apparently, Matty thinks it’s “cool” to listen to guys like Pastor Peter LaRuffa over your college professors…



1) Atheists have less children and that probably means…well you probably know what that means since you’re all about SCIENCE! Once again, to sum up, you’ll be miserable, have a shorter life, and quite likely less sex than your religious counterparts. And you thought atheism was cool? Reconsider and repent ye’ fools. Jesus said he is the way, the truth, and the life. Left unsaid, is that He’s totally cooler than Richard Dawkins!

I already went over how Matty has presented zero sources for the “SCIENCE!” he loves to boost about.Nothing to provide that shows atheists have shorter life spans… but I can and did show that atheists have fewer divorce rates. You know Matty, for someone who disses a group of people for being so fond of “science,” it’s quiet hypocritical to then say science is against them and not list just one scientific article. Put up or shut up.

As for sex…. c’mon. When it comes to that, atheists once again have got you there. In comparison, Christian teens at a higher risk of getting a STD and a higher rate of teen pregnancy (and repeat teen pregnancy).

As far as answering whether theists or atheists are better lovers, who can say for sure?

But I can say one thing regarding that… 😉 😉


Atheists do it like no one is watching

Wrapping all this up: Is Jesus cooler then Richard Dawkins?

Fuck no!

I’m not the biggest Richard Dawkins fan (I’m more of a Hitchens and Harris guy), I just agree with Richard Dawkins where I find him agreeable and disagree when I don’t find him agreeable, just like I do with any other person. Do I think Richard Dawkins is cool? To a degree he is, in the respects that he is a very educated man, an excellent science communicator, and talented debater.

But is Jesus cooler then Richard Dawkins? I can explain with one simple reason why Richard Dawkins totally trumps Jesus as being cool. Looking past the problem that there is very little to no historical evidence for Jesus, or the fact that many of the stories attributed to Jesus were later inventions inserted into the Bible (like the Sermon on the Mount or the “he without sin cast the first stone” — all of those were later added in), one reason why Richard Dawkins is the cooler guy is because he has never told any of his readers, fans, or anyone he met on his tours that “if you don’t love and worship me, then you will be thrown into the worst torture chamber imaginable for all eternity.”

That is some serious fucked up and unethical shit. A finite crimes does not merit an infinite punishment. This is why Richard Dawkins is the better man.

Let me in or I will torture you

So yeah: Richard Dawkins 1. Jesus 0.

In summary…..

Atheism Wins The Coolness Award

Demand Evidence and Think Critically

One comment

  • Bayhuntr

    Joseph Stahelin when to school to be a priest. Teaching people that mass murder, including unending torture, is cool, has to diminish empathy. Why wouldn’t that religious training ready him to more easily commit atrocities against others.

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