Edward Snowden and the Alien Conspiracy
Edward Snowden, the former National Security Agency contractor who famously disclosed top secret NSA documents to several media outlets early in 2013, has reportedly revealed much more than the United States government’s mass surveillance of the public. Stories are circulating that he has also revealed an alien conspiracy.
According to a sensational report published on January 12, 2014 by an Iranian news agency called FARS, Snowden has released nearly 2 million classified documents to Russia’s Federal Security Services, incontrovertibly proving once and for all that the United States government’s foreign policy is being controlled by a “shadow government” of extraterrestrials known as “Tall Whites.” I have captured a screenshot image of the article for posterity in case it disappears from the site:
The report, a great example of modern yellow journalism, goes on to claim that documents leaked by Snowden confirms the following:
[T]he “Tall White” agenda being implemented by the “secret regime” ruling the United States calls for the creation of a global electronic surveillance system meant to hide all true information about their presence here on earth as they enter into what one of Snowden’s documents calls the “final phase” of their end plan for total assimilation and world rule.
FARS claims that these are the same Tall Whites who aided Adolph Hitler and Nazi Germany in the 1930s. Specifically, the Tall Whites helped the Nazis build technologically advanced submarines in order to support their war efforts:
Of the many explosive revelations in this FSB report, the one most concerning to Russian authorities are the Snowden’s documents “confirming” that the “Tall Whites” . . . are the same extraterrestrial alien race behind the stunning rise of Nazi Germany during the 1930’s.
In just one example of the many outlined in this FSB report, it shows that with this “alien assistance,” at the end of the 1930’s, when Nazi Germany possessed just 57 submarines, over the four years of World War II it built 1,163 modern technologically advanced submarines at its dockyards and even put them into operation.
The imaginative storytelling does not end there. The article states that the Tall Whites continued to linger on the world’s political stage after World War II and have been active on our planet ever since. They entered into secret meetings with Dwight D. Eisenhower in 1954, where the “secret regime” currently controlling America was first established. Today, the aliens who once helped the Nazis are now backing U.S. President Barack Obama, who is their leader.
It turns out that the FARS News Agency has a reputation for reporting bizarre and absurd claims as authentic. This is the same news service that also recently reported that a 27 year-old Iranian businessman invented a time machine. And just before the 2012 presidential election, FARS reposted in all earnestness what was in actuality a satirical story from The Onion which said that white rural voters in America would rather vote for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad than Barack Obama. Thus, to put it very mildly, FARS is not the most truthful news source one can consult. In fact, FARS makes the likes of World Net Daily look like a serious news outlet, and this is saying a lot.
“The Hellyer Talking About?”
The FARS story is certainly not the first time the idea of aliens running the government has been entertained. The more specific notion of “Tall Whites” is not new, either. They were mentioned by former Canadian Defence Minister Paul Hellyer, who recently appeared on Russia Today for a very strange interview with Sophie Shevardnadze, host of “SophieCo.”
Hellyer is convinced that space aliens are living in our midst here on Earth. In the RT interview he maintained that the U.S. government is in league with the Tall Whites, which is but one of about 80 different alien species. He shared a very amusing anecdote in support of this claim:
First question you have to ask is how many species are there? I used to think there were between two and twelve . . . but the latest reports that I’ve been getting from various sources are that there are about 80 different species, and some of them look just like us and they could walk down the street and you wouldn’t know if you walked past one.
The Tall Whites . . . were actually working with the U.S. Air Force in Nevada. They’re able to get away with that. They had a couple of their ladies dressed as nuns go into Las Vegas to shop and they weren’t detected. I have a friend who saw one of the men walking along the street. He is somebody who can recognize that they were different, and he did.
As we all know, the best strategy aliens could adopt for blending in to human society is to go to Las Vegas for a shopping spree dressed as nuns.
In the interview, Hellyer tells another story about the Nevada aliens. A U.S. airman named Charles James Hall “rescued” the daughter of a high-ranking Tall White alien. As a result, a close friendship developed between Hall and the alien’s mother. Hellyer recommends a book written by Hall that tells the full story. The book, entitled Millennial Hospitality, “tells you how you go through these stages, of being scared out of your wits, but then, when you establish a trust and a working relationship –you can have the same kind of relationship that you would have with someone here on Earth.”
Hellyer went on to state matter-of-factly that these 80 alien species hail from all over the galaxy. They come from Venus, Mars, Saturn’s moon Andromedia, and other star systems beyond ours. He also unoriginally and predictably maintained that the aliens are responsible for giving us much of the technology we think we developed:
They are here among us and I’m not afraid because in most cases, as far as technology is concerned, they are light-years ahead of us, and we have learned a lot of things from them. A lot of the things we use today we got from them . . .
As examples of technology bequeathed to us by extraterrestrials, Hellyer cites LED lights, microchips, and Kevlar vests. Hellyer has given credit where credit is clearly not due, and in so doing he gives no credence to and places no stock in human ingenuity and intelligence.
Dubious Source Material
The assertion by the Iranian press that Snowden has released secret documents which confirm that Nazi space aliens are controlling U.S. foreign policy is very easily debunked. First, no one has ever confirmed the existence of such alien-exposing documents. If they did exist, and if such leaked NSA documents really did contain confirmation of an extraterrestrial shadow government controlling U.S. foreign policy, such a revelation would surely be the most momentous and significant news story in history. The shocking news would be covered by every major news media outlet that exists. What we find instead is that this imaginative story is only being covered by disreputable news organizations such as FARS and by crackpot conspiracy-theory blogs.
The idea of Snowden leaking information about aliens allying with the U.S. is not even an original one for our FARS pseudo-journalists. The whole premise is a long-running one, going back as far as summer 2013, when several posts and videos from conspiracy theorists appeared on the Internet. One of the most ridiculous is a YouTube video made by one Jon Kelly entitled “Edward Snowden’s Secret NSA Surveillance UFO Message.” This video plays a forty-second audio excerpt of Snowden talking to Guardian reporters. The last five seconds of the video reverses a small portion of Snowden’s speech and flashes the words “Those UFOs” on the screen, the words being what Jon Kelly, in an epic display of auditory pareidolia, believes is what he hears in the reversed speech.
Refuting the implications made by Jon Kelly’s video is a matter of refuting the notion that unintentionally-propagated subliminal messages in audio mediums can be discovered through backward masking. I have tackled this notion in-depth in the fourth section of my essay “The Devil Has the Best Tunes.”
The spurious Snowden/UFO connection also made its way to the forums of Above Top Secret, a website devoted to providing a discussion board and general information on conspiracy-theory topics. In a post written on July 8, 2013, a user who goes by the handle Bigfoot73 writes,
It would appear Snowden is revealing UFO secrets too now. I find it very hard to dismiss him as just another disinfo agent. He claims there is an alien race living in seabed colonies and using submersible spaceships. They don’t communicate and are regarded as potentially hostile.
This post includes a link to an article by Internet Chronicle, a fake-news site similar in style to The Onion, whose headline reads “Snowden Reveals UFO Documents after Receiving Asylum in Venezuela.” Apparently, the user who posted the link was not aware that the Internet Chronicle is a satire site.
Second, while the Iranian report asserts that Snowden showed the documents to the Russians, Snowden himself stated months ago that he never leaked any NSA documents to Russia in the first place. Rather, all materials were handed over in digital form to journalists in Hong Kong.
Even if some in the UFO conspiracy theory crowd tries to counter this fact by claiming that Snowden is yet another “disinfo agent” (and not many will, since this would destroy their tenuous image of Snowden as a hero who is on their side), journalists who have closely followed Snowden’s precipitous rise to populist fame would have already called him out on any such disinformation.
This has not happened. On the contrary, no serious journalist has taken the NSA/UFO conspiracy theory seriously. Alex Seitz-Wald, a journalist writing for National Journal, contacted Glenn Greenwald via Twitter and asked him for comment on the alleged documents revealing an alien conspiracy. Greenwald is the journalist who first broke the Snowden story and who, in the words of Seitz-Wald, “has spent more time poring over his documents than perhaps anyone else on this planet.” Greenwald responded with appropriate sarcasm:
— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) January 13, 2014
The myth that Snowden has blown the lid off a conspiracy involving the U.S. and “those UFOs” is an entertaining case study in the way a mystique can quickly develop around controversial individuals. This is especially the case with Edward Snowden, who has struck a chord in the hearts and minds of paranoid people who see cosmic significance and sinister conspiracies around every corner and in every event. The name of Edward Snowden is sure to be invoked in the future by conspiracy theorists in connection with everything from chemtrails and mind control experiments to secret psychic energy demonstrations and extraterrestrials. The bogus qualifier “leaked by Snowden” will become the tag that identifies a corpus of conspiracy theories both old and new.